I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
