Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
