This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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