is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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