OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
