We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
pray to the hookup gods
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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