If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
