I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
