a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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