You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
