I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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