he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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