I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
