i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You're a waste of cheezeits
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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