im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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