I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
