He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
