you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
