And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
