addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
