Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
