Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
