Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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