did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
