I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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