Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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