I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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