she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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