i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
