Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
