Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
