My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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