One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
