I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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