dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
