Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
