Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
