Kiss
Puke
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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