My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
