wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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