oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
