mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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