Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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