I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
