i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
