It's like God shit irony all over that family
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
