If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
