ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
