You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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