My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
